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Jill Valentine vs. Frank West (Dead Rising)
Description “Resident Evil versus Dead Rising! Two of Capcom’s most famous zombie-slayers battle to the death!” Introduction Spider: Zombies. Hordes of shambling, brain-eating monsters that were once human beings. The sight of the undead is enough to unnerve even the bravest. Pixie: Unless you’re a videogame hero, in which case you grab the first weapon you can get your hands on and slaughter those moaning menaces like there’s no tomorrow. Just like Jill Valentine, the Agent of S.T.A.R.S. Spider: Or Frank West, the world’s most unflappable photo-journalist. I’m Spider. Pixie: And I’m Pixie! Spider: And it’s our job to analyze their power, abilities and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Pixie: Oh, but there’s something we gotta mention before we start! Spider: For the sake of simplicity and maintaining Death Battle’s rule of using the best-known incarnation of each character, we will be using the characters as they first appeared in Resident Evil and Dead Rising, respectively. Both Jill and Frank will be limited to the canonical weapons and abilities they had in their first games. Pixie: Sorry to disappoint those of you were hoping to see brain-washed, bleach-blonde Jill take on middle-aged, robo-suited Frank. Anyhoo, onto analysis! Jill Spider: Jill Valentine was a former Delta Force agent who later moved to Raccoon City and became a police officer. There, she served as part of the Special Tactics And Rescue Service, or S.T.A.R.S. Pixie: After a series of cannibalistic murders took place in the nearby Arkaly Mountains, S.T.A.R.S. Bravo Team went to investigate, and never returned. You can probably see there this is going… Spider: Along with the rest of Alpha Team, Jill went to investigate. Her team discovered Bravo Team’s wrecked helicopter, along with a dead pilot, but no other sign of Bravo Team’s fate. Pixie: Jill didn’t have much time to speculate on what this mean, because suddenly, zombie Dobermans attacked. Alpha Team fled the killer pooches and took cover in a nearby mansion. The team’s leader Albert Wesker then ordered that they split up to investigate the mansion. If that sounds like a bad idea, that’s because it was. Spider: While exploring the mansion, Jill encountered a variety of vicious flesh-eating monsters, including zombies, murderous crows and swift, green-skinned creature called Hunters. Eventually, she discovered that the monsters had been created by a bioweapons company known as the Umbrella Corporation, and that her own team leader, Albert Wesker, had secretly been working for Umbrella all along. Pixie: Wesker then tried to kill Jill by unleashing a large, humanoid monster called the Tyrant. Thankfully, one of Jill’s team-mates managed to air-drop in a rocket-launcher via helicopter, which Jill then used to blow the Tyrant into a pile of evil hamburger. Though Wesker survived, Jill escaped to continue fighting evil of the resident variety. Spider: As a trained military professional and police officer, Jill is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but she relies heavily on her weaponry. Jill’s standard equipment includes a combat knife, hemostatic spray for first aid, the Beretta 9 millimeter handgun, which holds 15 rounds per clip. Pixie: Jill can also find and use some more powerful fire-arms. There’s the Colt Python, a .357 magnum Jill can use to channel her inner Dirty Harriot, the Remmington pump-action shotgun, and Jill’s signature weapon, the grenade launcher. Spider: The grenade launcher can hold three different types of ammunition; standard explosive rounds, fire grenades, and acid grenades. Jill can swap out ammunition to better deal with the specific enemy she is facing. Her most powerful weapon, of course, is the iconic rocket-launcher used to kill the Tyrant. It has an ammo capacity of only 4 shots, but it’s power is great enough that a single direct hit can kill any monster Jill faces. Pixie: Ooh, you almost forgot to mention that Jill has a lock-pick! According to her team-mate Barry, she’s a Master of Unlocking, remember? Spider sighing: …Yes. Jill does in fact carry a lock-pick, which can use to open almost any door. Handy for exploring unknown areas. It’s worth mentioning that since Jill has survived navigating a mansion that was filled to the brim with hidden traps and monsters, she clearly has acute awareness and reaction time. Pixie: You have to admire her cool head. There’s not a lot of cops who could keep their shit together in a mansion full of deformed living bioweapons. Spider: Well, she may be stoic, but she’s not exactly perfect. Jill appears to have suffered a unique form of psychological trauma which makes it almost impossible for her to express her emotions verbally. from Resident Evil shows a ceiling trap slowly descending to crush Jill. Jill (in a quiet, perfectly even tone): Hey. What’s going on? Pixie: Well, it’s either psychological trauma or god-awful voice-acting. Spider: Also, while she’s tough enough to survive a hit or two from the Tyrant, she’s quite a bit more fragile than her team-mate, Chris Redfield. It’s also important to remember that all of her guns have limited ammunition, and while she may be handy with her knife, using it requires that she get close enough to risk being injured by melee-bound enemies. Pixie: But despite her limitations, Jill is one of the most memorable and badass heroines of survival horror ever created. from Resident Evil 3 plays. Jill: It’s true that once the wheels of justice start turning, nothing can stop them. Nothing. Frank Spider: Frank West was a free-lance photojournalist who took a private helicopter to the city Willamette, Colorado after receiving a tip that something big was going to happen. Pixie: What the anonymous tipster didn’t bother mentioning was that that “something big” was zombies. Shit-tons of zombies. Spider: Frank soon discovered that nearly the entire population of Willamette had been infected by zombie-creating wasps during a terrorist attack. Pixie: Zombies, wasps and terrorists? Dang, must have been a shitty day to live in in Willamette. Spider: The survivors of the initial outbreak barricaded themselves in the Willamette Parkview Mall, but about the same time Frank arrived to investigate, the mall was breached and the zombies flooded in. Pixie: Upon finding out that Willamette was Ground 0 for a genuine zombie apocalypse, Frank decided he needed to stick around long enough to discover the full truth of the incident and bring it to the public, because like every good journalist, Frank West is completely out of his fucking mind and has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. Spider: Unfortunately for Frank, dealing with the undead was not his only problem. He would also have to contend with the violently insane survivors of the outbreak dubbed Psychopaths, as well as the Special Forces Agents who were rapidly closing in to wipe out every witness to the Willamette Incident, silencing the truth once and for all. Pixie: But fortunately for Frank, he’s got a lot more going for him in terms of combat ability than the average journalist. Franks is a proficient brawler who seems to take a lot of inspiration from pro-wrestling. He’s even strong enough to disembowel a zombie (or a person) with his bare hands. He’s also got a real knack for improv, and will use virtually anything he gets his hands on as a weapon, including canned foods, base-ball bats, televisions sets, and gumball machines. His best melee weapons are of course, the mini-chainsaw, which can mow through hordes of zombies in seconds, and the laser sword, which— Spider: --isn’t canon, and won’t be used in this fight. Pixie: Aww. Does he at least get the— Spider: No, he doesn’t get the Real Mega-buster either! Frank got trapped in a mall, not a science-fiction weapons-development center. The Laser Sword and Mega-buster are explicitly non-canon bonus items. Pixie: Well, Frank still has plenty of other fire-arms he can scrounge up and use, including hand-guns, shot-guns, hunting rifles, and a jeep-mounted machine-gun, which Frank can pry off of said jeep and carry around with his bare hands. This slows him down quite a bit, but it’s also the most powerful fire-arm Frank can use. Spider: While it’s not a weapon, per say, it’s also worth mentioning that in order to enhance his news credibility, Frank carries a camera, which he can use to photograph moments that are particularly dramatic, frightening, or… um… erotic. Pixie: Could you please explain why taking up-skirts in the middle of a zombie apocalypse is a good way to get people to listen to you? Spider: ...No. No, I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Pixie: Of course, Frank has some faults. I mean aside from his insane compulsion to take perverted pictures in the middle of zombie-slaying. Spider: As a reporter, Frank does not carry any standard weaponry, and must depend on what he can find. His melee weapons can break from use, and his ranged weapons are limited by their ammo. Also, while Frank is capable of operating firearms, he’s not exactly a master gunslinger, and can have some trouble drawing a bead on a hostile, moving target. Pixie: But still, there’s not many reporters around who are able and willing to challenge the hordes of the undead with random objects they grabbed at the mall. from Dead Rising. Frank: I’ve covered wars, you know. DEATH BATTLE! Spider: Alright, our combatants are set. Let’s put an end to this debate once and for all. Pixie: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE! * * * “This is my STOOOOORE!” With a roar of fury, Phillip Chapman charges at Frank West with his blade-studded shopping cart. Frank nimbly evades the attack, then smashes a television set over Phillip’s head, bringing the crazed grocery-store clerk’s life to an end. Frank dusts his hands and begins looking for useful supplies when he hears a female voice shouting behind him. “Freeze! Put your hands in the air!” Frank turns to see Jill Valentine aiming her Beretta at his chest. Franks raises his hands and gives a sheepish grin. “I… look, I know this looks bad, but this was self-defense. Honest! You see, this guy was a Psychopath and—” Abruptly, several photos of women’s cleavage and panties slip out of Frank’s jacket and land on the floor in front of Jill. Jill stares down at the pictures. “These… these pictures were all taken in this mall. Did you take these!?” Frank blushes. “Uh… I can explain those, too.” “What’s your name?” “Frank West. I’m a reporter.” “Mr. West, you’re under arrest for homicide and probable sexual harassment.” Frank gasps, appalled. “Oh come on. ''You’re seriously going to arrest me in the middle of a zombie outbreak?” ''This isn’t good, ''Frank thinks. ''If I get arrested now, there’s no way I’m going to get the scoop I need. '' Frank suddenly grabs a can of food off a shelf and hurls it at Jill. Jill ducks and fires at Frank as the journalist ducks into the next aisle. '''FIGHT!' ' '''Frank dashes towards the exit of the store, pausing to grab a push-broom left behind by a zombified janitor. He crouches at the end of aisle and waits for Jill to come chasing after him, then swings the broom at her head. Jill ducks, draws her knife and slashes at Frank, but Frank leans back, and the knife merely slashes through his tie. Jill goes for another stab, but Frank thrusts both hands forwards and slams her with the middle of the broom-handle, knocking her into a shelf of canned food. Franks swings the broom again, but Jill drops to the floor, and the broom-head breaks off against the shelf. Jill slips inside and gives Frank an upper-cut to the chin, followed by a slash to the forehead, but Frank retaliates by stabbing Jill in the flank with the broken broom-handle. The blow knocks Jill down, and Frank grabs her by the legs, swings her around and hurls her out of the grocery store and into the rest of the mall. Jill skids across the floor. Frank holds the broom-handle like a Javelin thrower, but before he can throw it and spear Jill, she fires her Beretta. Bullets whiz over Frank’s head, and he is forced to take cover in the store next door. As Frank runs into the store, a zombie police officer walks out to greet him, moaning. Frank casually impales the zombie in the chest and helps himself to the gun in his holster. “Mind if I borrow this? Thanks.” Meanwhile, Jill takes cover in a video-game store across from the grocery store. She hides behind a shelf of games and takes a second to apply hemostatic spray to the wound in her flank, staunching the bleeding. Frank wipes the blood flowing from the wound in his forehead, then steps out and fires his handgun into the store where Jill is hiding. Bullets hit at random, shattering merchandise all around Jill, who fires back with her Beretta. A flurry of bullet shatters the window next to Frank’s head, but by sheer luck, he manages to avoid being hit. Jill runs her clip empty, and while she is reloading, Frank sprints towards the a familiar-looking Jeep and pries the machine-gun off its hood. He begins lugging the gun towards the game store, spraying the mall with huge bullets and shattering the store-front. As Jill flees towards the back of the store, she spots a promotional stand for the newest ''Resident Evil game''.'' A cardboard cut-out of the blonde Jill from RE 5 holding a sandwich is propped up next to a fully-functional promotional grenade launcher. Jill scowls. “I don’t look like that,” she says, before shooting the cut-out in the face and taking the grenade launcher. Frank stops shooting as he approaches the game-store to check if Jill is still alive. Suddenly, a grenade arcs through the broken window and hits Frank’s machine-gun, dousing it in acid and throwing drops of acid onto his jacket. Frank drops the ruined machine-gun and runs, shedding his sizzling jacket as he goes. Jill pursues him, splattering acid at his heels as he flees into what appears to be a miniature theme-park. Jill loses sight of him as he rounds the corner. She moves in to continue her pursuit, and suddenly, Frank lunges out from behind a trash-can with a small chainsaw. The chainsaw bites into Jill’s grenade launcher, disabling the weapon. Frank triumphantly holds the chainsaw and revs it. “It’s time to rock!” He swings the chainsaw at Jill’s neck. Jill jumps back as the chainsaw passes before her eyes, spewing hot exhaust into her face. Before Frank can recover from the swing, Jill launches a spin-kick to his gut, knocking him down. Jill turns and sprints away towards a fashion boutique before Frank can get back up. Jill runs towards the back of the boutique, where she spots a supply closet it looks like she can hide in. She grabs the knob, but finds it locked. For a moment her heart pounds in terror… and then she remembers the lock-pick. Frank charges into the boutique, his chain-saw still roaring, and looks around for Jill. “Hey,” he calls as he walks towards the back of the store. “We don’t have to do this, ya know. You seem a lot nicer than the last lady-cop I met. How about we just call off this fight and go out on a date, huh? I’ll buy.” As Frank passes by the supply closet, Jill throws the door open from inside and slams it into Frank as hard as she can. Frank nearly falls onto his own chainsaw as Jill runs out of the boutique, shouting commands into a walkie-talkie. As Frank stands, he hears the mall’s skylight shatter as something heavy crashes through. Just as Frank steps out of the boutique, something explodes at his feet, shattering the floor and hurling him backwards. Franks slams his head on the floor, and looks up, fuzzy-eyed, to see Jill aiming a huge rocket launcher at him. “Oh come on,” he croaks, coughing blood. “That’s not even fair.” Jill fires a rocket straight into Frank’s chest, blowing him into dozens of bloody pieces. K.O! Jill breathes a sigh of relief, then heads off to look for more survivors. Post Battle Analysis Pixie: Police brutality! Quick, somebody call the Human Society. Spider: This fight was very close. Frank’s creativity and ability to improvise made him highly unpredictable, but since Jill constantly survives deadly ambushes and sneak-attacks from zombies and other monsters, catching her off-guard was unlikely. With her military training, Jill had a slight edge in hand-to-hand skill, but Frank’s raw strength and brawling, combined with superior melee weaponry such as the mini-chainsaw, meant that if the fight had stuck to an armed melee, Frank would have utterly demolished Jill. That said, Jill easily trumped Frank in marksmanship, and considering her years of experience with both Delta Force and S.T.A.R.S, she was far more tactically savvy than the intrepid photographer. Pixie: Jill was also a heck of a lot better equipped from the get-go. While Jill is never without her Berretta and her combat knife, Frank had to spend the entire fight scrounging for random crap to defend himself with. If we’re going to be completely honest, Frank would have had to get pretty damn lucky to grab something useful before Jill sliced his throat or put a cap in his ass. Spider: The machine-gun gave Frank some impressive fire-power, but it slowed him down, and it still couldn’t match the destructive force of Jill’s rocket launcher. While Frank might have been able to get in a couple hits here and there, Jill was able to quickly dress her wounds with the first-aid spray, another advantage Frank couldn’t answer. Jill has proven time and time again that her tactics and skill in ranged combat can triumph over foes with superior melee abilities such as the Hunter and the Tyrant, so Frank’s advantages in melee weren’t enough to turn the tables. Pixie: Frank’s dead, but it doesn’t look like he’ll be rising any time soon. Spider: The winner is Jill Valentine.Category:What-If? 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